Shrimp Remoulade | Southwest Chili Beans | Hamburger DeLuxe | Barbecued Bologna Roll | Fish House Punch | Berries Romanoff Au Cointreau

I think it's important that we spend the Fourth of July doing what we would normally do. Break out the ol' barbecue grill, grab a cold one out of the cooler, and toss that six pound balogna roll on the coals! You betcha! 'Cause if we're not debating whether or not that last Deviled Egg has been sitting out in the sun too long, well, the terrorists have won. So crack that beer open, take a swig and tell Uncle Sam that you're mad as hell and you're not gonna take it anymore!

Shrimp Remoulade

The kid on the back of this booklet insists that these canned shrimp "Tastes Swell – And Mom Says They're Good for Me", but take a look at that cover picture! The illustrated "shrimp" bear a closer resemblance to the grubs that are eating my grass than something I'd eat. While we would never recommend using canned shrimp for ANY recipe, this remoulade sauce will tempt your guests with its "deep-sea flavor." The Hungover Gourmet says kick it up a notch with a splash of hot sauce.

• 1 pound medium shrimp, peeled and deveined
• 1/4 stalk celery
• 4 tbsp. salad oil
• 1 tbsp. prepared mustard
• 2 tbsp. minced onion
• 2 tbsp. lemon juice or vinegar
• Salt and pepper to taste
• 1 tsp. minced parsley

Blend together all ingredients except shrimp. Set in the refrigerator to chill for 2 hours. Serve very cold in nests of shredded lettuce with shrimp on the side. – Adapted from "Exciting Recipes: New Ways to Enjoy Wholesome Canned Shrimp" (Year Unknown)

Southwest Chili Beans

This handy little pamphlet from the Wine Advisory Board helps idiot Americans discover that wine will lead to "a fun and flavor you've never known before." If you ask me, wine led to a headache and hangover that I'd never known before! Regardless of your alcohol preference, these are not your mother's baked beans.

• 1 lb. pink or red beans
• 1 onion, chopped
• 1 clove garlic, chopped
• 6 slices bacon, cut fine
• 1 cup California Claret wine (or California Burgundy, Zinfandel or other red table wine)
• 1 (8 oz.) can tomato suace
• 2 tsps. chili powder
• 1/2 tsp. cumin seed
• Salt to taste

Wash beans; soak overnight in cold water. Drain. Put in heavy kettle with 1 qt. boiling water and remaining ingredients. Cover; simmer very gently until beans are tender and sauce is thick and rich, 4 to 5 hours. Stir often; add a little more water if needed. Serves 6-8. From "California Wine Selector with Recipe Roundup of America's Favorite Dishes" (Year Unknown)

Hamburger De Luxe

What barbecue is complete without some burgers? This surprising little booklet from Sunset actually has recipes that sound good, despite the presence of a 1955 copyright. That always makes me a little nervous and -- sure enough -- a recipe for something called Perro Con Queso that involves coring hot dogs with a piece of copper tubing is just pages away!

Press ground beef into very thin, flat cakes between waxed paper. Put two cakes together with a filling made from finely chopped raw onion mixed with steak sauce, crimping the edges of the cakes firmly together. Broil over the coals and serve in hot picnic buns, split and buttered. Cheese slices may be substituted for the onion filling. From "Barbecue Cooking: A Sunset Booklet" (1955)

Barbecued Bologna Roll

Fried bologna. Bologna and cheese. Bologna omelette. Bologna boats. I thought that about ran the bologna gamut. Until I started stumbling upon not one, but several recipes for Barbecued Bologna Roll. If you put a gun to my head I wouldn't know where to get a bologna roll large enough to barbecue. Apparently the guy in the photo does, but as the caption informs us, he's an "outdoor grill fan." Then again, the book also tells us that Barbecued Bologna Roll is "Quick and Easy. Inexpensive. Good!" Gotta love that staccato style.

• 4 to 6 lb. (!) roll of bologna
• 1 1/2 tbsp. prepared mustard
• 1 1/2 tsp. brown sugar
• 1 tsp. prepared horseradish
• 1 cup chili sauce
• 3 tbsp. vinegar

Score bologna roll with 1/2" to 1" cuts, 1" apart. Secure roll on spit or shish kebab skewer and spraed with mixture of mustard, brown sugar and horseradish. Attach spit or place directly on grill about 3" from coals. Baste well with mixture of chili sauce and vinegar. Start motor and grill until roll is thoroughly heated. If placed directly on grill, turn often. Remove spit or skewer; slice. About 16 servings! From the incredible "The Master Chef's Outdoor Grill Cookbook" (1960)

Fish House Punch

Okay, okay, so it doesn't sound all that appealing – apparently, the person who wrote this lil' gem of a book has never BEEN in a fish house. But that's okay, because they also insist that Summertime drinks made with Old Fitzgerald are as refreshing as the sound of ice tinkling in your glass. Hey, who's laughing?! Cut that out!!

Gang, you can either take some pride and pleasure in this regal refreshment, or do what I do and just grab another Yuengling from the cooler!

• 3/4 pound fine granulated sugar
• 1 quart lemon juice
• 1 fifth Jamaican rum
• 1 pint peach brandy
• 2 quarts branch water
• 1 fifth Old Fitzgerald Bourbon

Combine sugar and lemon juice and stir until suagr is dissolved. Add Old Fitzgerald, brandy, rum, and water in order named. (Some prefer to add strained contents of a pot of tea.) Refrigerate for two to three hours to "age", stirring occasionally. Just before serving, pour into punch bowl over large block of ice. Serves 12 to 20. From "Summertime Recipes" (late 1950s)

Berries Romanoff Au Cointreau

I am admittedly not a big dessert guy. But if you put anything in a bowl and top it with Redi-Whip I am SO THERE! The recipe below calls for a cup of cream, so I might be tempted. Any chance we could set it aflame, too?

• 1 pint ice cream
• 1 cup cream
• 6 tbsp. Cointreau
• 2 quarts berries

Whip ice cream slightly, fold in cream beaten stiff. Add Cointreau. Pour mixture over chilled berries, sugared to taste. From "The Gourmet's Guide to Dining and Drinking by Cointreau, 3rd Edition" (Year Unknown)

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