In Search of Perfect Barbecue, or is That BBQ?

What is BBQ 101
But on to the food. We swung into Dougan's on a Friday night, with a fierce hunger roaring in our bellies. Which is and isn't the way you should prepare for an all-you-can eat BBQ dinner – it's a double-edged sword my friends, a double-edged sword. My faculties were, shall we say "clouded" at the time of this visit, and I'd pay for it later. Let it be said that when my decision-making process is not what it usually is, things tend to get "messy." Luckily, a visit from the authorities was averted, and we would all live to eat another day.

And while I'm proud to say that I've been responsible for driving two eateries to rethink the rules of their all-you-can-eat dinners, this time the master became the student, as Paul Dougan whipped my BBQ-eatin' ass with heapin' helpings of his delectable treats. (You know who I'm talkin' about Howard Johnson's and Tam's Bistro! Don't make me come down there again!!)

Before we get too far ahead of ourselves, let me give you a crash course in what is BBQ. The typical menu at a midwest BBQ joint features chicken, pork barbecue, beef barbecue, and brisket. Everything is slow-cooked over low heat for up to 12 hours, and when it's done right the meat is moist, smoky, and tender enough to cut with a fork. No bone dry chicken breasts like you get at grandma's here, gang. And while some folks might bitch and whine at the outset about the smoky flavor – know who you are – the incessant complaining usually vanishes as the babies fill their gaping maws with the juicy cuts.

Ribs can be Beef Ribs or Short Ribs, as well as my favorite, Pork Ribs (more later). Beef Ribs have more meat, less fat, and cook quick, leaving a seared crust and a juicy, rare center. Short Ribs are cooked slow until they begin to fall apart and you can eat 'em in Henry the Eighth ("I am I am") style. Pork is probably the perfect barbecue meat, almost like they were built to be raised, slaughtered, and grilled for our enjoyment. Yum. They've got plenty of internal fat and take very well to sauces and marinades. But don't get too crazy with that basting brush cousin – wait till they're about halfway done before you go slathering them with a sauce that contains lots of sugar, or you'll burn baby burn.

Finally, Texas Barbecue – keep it straight, there'll be a quiz later – is brisket, slow-cooked and heavily flavored with mesquite but never basted. The meat is cooked till fork tender and served with sauce on the side. Always with sauce on the side. If anybody out there is wonderin' what kinda ribs THG likes, we usually prepare Pork Country Ribs which have more meat on 'em.

Okay, but how "bad" is Bad Brad??